Vatican lists seven new Social Sins

HolySee Pope Benedict XVI is having fun. Again. We would also have lots of fun were it not be for the lack of intrinsic funniness of his persona. Benny, leave it aside and keep your daytime job, stand-up comedy is not exactly your thing. Plus, the content of your shows is old and out of place (and time).

According to Bloomberg, the new seven social sins are:

1. ’Bioethical’ violations such as birth control

I won’t get into the subjective ‘ethical’ part of the sin. Instead, let’s comment that in February 2008, the world’s population is believed to have reached over 6.70bn. In line with population projections, we are getting out of room at a rate of 1.167% per year. And that’s including sins like ’bioethical’ birth control, drug abuse, and the millions of people who die of pollution related causes and deep poverty.

What’s Pope & Co.’s solution on the population problem? Pure chastity. Quiet realistic! If we understand China’s one-child policy as the closest to full chastity that we will ever get on a grand scale, I would love to hear the Vatican’s ideas on providing pensions for the huge number of future Chinese elders with a tiny number of ´little emperors’ to bear the tax burden.

Just imagine what would happen if we just stop fornicating for fun or passing on our DNAs in a global scale.

2. ‘Morally dubious’ experiments such as stem cell research

‘Sanity dubious’ experiments like demanding a video recording as proof of a miracle opens the door to Photoshop masters and YouTube lovers. C’mon, go on Mr Spielberg, have a laugh at Christianity’s expense!

3. Drug abuse

Now this is a good one. If you don’t abuse, the original sin of gluttony doesn’t apply either! So one E a week is fine. 1gr of cocaine a month can be forgiven. Two shots of heroine and a joint on a Saturday night take you straight to hell. For eternity. The US government agency DEA got it wrong all along, you had to make it a sin, fools!

Anyway, it would be nice to know what qualifies as a ‘drug’. Beer? Do they have a classification of drugs in Vatican City? Having said that, crack-heads are not exactly the segment of population who take upon ‘morally dubious’ stem cell research or commercial ‘bioethical’ violations. So just let the part-time abuser be and help the full-timer climb out of the drug hell, not sink him even more.

4. Polluting the environment

I must say that when an automobile company and a past-his-time second tier politician can beat a full-blown global religion with reportedly 2bn adherents (US Center for World Mission), the former is a typical example of ‘too late a marketing campaign’.

You lost this time. Perhaps the Vatican should have listened long ago to the feedback from their network of missionaries who really care about their communities in forgotten and poverty ridden areas of the world. As they say, sometimes CEOs and top managers MUST spend some time on the shop floor to maintain touch with their customers.

5. Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor

We need some specifics on this one, but it smells of blatant hypocrisy. In the last 10 years the price of gold increased 3-fold, and religious art about the same if not more.

Let’s do a mental exercise. Let’s imagine for a second that all churches, cathedrals, Vatican City and the like sell their gold, crosses and religious items into the markets. But not any market, but to preserve the religiousness of it all, they will sell it to their own adherents and believers in a sale and donation/leaseback through a financial alphabet soup engineered by the quants at Investment Bank XYZ. Keep the final amount raised in mind.

Now take the figure you came up with and let’s fund a Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation-like Christian charity (joining Melinda and Bill would take you to hell by association since they should be there according to Social Sin #6) with the very best thinking minds working to eradicate poverty.

Are you nearer to the end of the impossible à la Bush ‘war on poverty’? Why don’t they do it then?

6. Excessive wealth

What is excessive wealth? Being rich? Who’s rich anyway? He who earns a lot? Those who save a lot and make generosity ashamed? High net-worth individuals? When excessive wealth is excessive?

With a population of around 800 people, including the Pope, and a GDP per capita of $25,000 thanks to the Peter’s Pence collection that takes place each year on the Sunday closest to June 29 to provide financial support to the Holy See, these 800 people enjoy the lifestyle of the average inhabitant of Hong Kong, Spain or New Zealand.

Ask the average Burundian, Malawian or even Israeli and they will tell you that the average Vatican citizen has ‘excessive wealth’ (including the Pope). And always remember that is not earned wealth, but Peter’s (and Paul’s, and Lisa’s) tax.

7. Creating poverty

Who creates poverty intentionally? This postulate sounds a bit like road rage or generating methane gas through farting. No one does it on porpouse. How about ‘creating poverty’ through inaction? The Vatican should be ashamed of themselves in the first place. Sinners.

What are your thoughts on the matter, Hobbes?

.Calvin

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